I Don't Understand

Hello! Well today started off alright, but it sure wasn't the best day. I woke up this morning around 7ish and got ready for work. I called and talked to Leonard for a few mins which made my morning feel alot better. :) I hate being cold and today was defiantly cold outside and to add Dad was kinda on my case about some things, which is never fun. Work was really slow so I was able to get alot of Inventory done and some other things that needed to be done as well. But anyways... not to much happened today that was interesting as you can see. After work I met Dad and Jeremiah (my little brother) at Sams to get some things and plus I had to get gas. I've been driving with it practically on E since Sunday. lol Then I went by Home Depot to get a few things for the house that still need to be fixed. In the mean time of all this, after work I was texting Leonard and it wasn't to good. :'( He told me he had been thinking and he was starting to regret last night and that I was being to needy about things. I didn't mean to be 'needy' by any means and I sure as hell don't understand why in the world he'd be regretting what happened last night. I mean we both enjoyed it and had an amazing time--so I thought. He told me he just wanted to be friends nothing more, because he wasn't ready for whatever we are. That really didn't make any sense to me, because for one we've already talked about just being friends and you see where that got us. Not far because we both really liked each other. And what really hurt was when he told me "he realized I wasn't the right girl he was looking for and as much as he liked me there was still something not right" and he said "he needed a girl who wouldn't let him do that kind of stuff to her".So he said we could never be the same again, which all of that just devastated me and hurt so bad. I didn't expect any of that to just up and happen, I mean what we did last night took two and we both did it. It's not like either one of us was going against the others wil or something. It was almost like he was trying to give me some kind of guilt trip for what happened, but it wasn't just me thats the thing. You know? He said he wanted to be friends so I guess time will tell, but I know it's going to be really hard, at least for me. I was all upset in Sams with Dad, because thats about the time it happened. I was in tears and crying and Dad asked what was wrong of course, I tried to tell him but it made it worse. I told him before we went further that doing things along those lines would ruin things between us and I didn't want that to happen, and look that's exactly what it did to us. I knew I was right, but in the back of my head I knew it would be different with him. I'm still hoping it is, because something just doesn't feel right at all. I really thought he liked me and I think he still does to be honest. Maybe he's just scared of really getting close to me. I don't know but what I do know is that I care about him a whole lot and I'm not going to give up yet. One thing I don't do is say I care about someone and then when it gets hard just walk out, even though thats what usually happens to me. It's just how could I fall for another guy who once again would end up breaking my heart.... I mean I'm so stupid! Sorry I'm just rambling on about things like a crazy person. lol Well the last thing I told him was exactly this, "Okay. well I want you to know I'll give you your space. but I do like you alot and I've had an amazing few weeks with you. I want to be friends with you an keep in contact if you will. I'm so sorry for going further with you and I hope you'll forgive me? but I'm going to be here because you mean alot to me and I'm not going to go out looking for another guy when I care about one already. I'm strong and I wont give up." That was in a text that I sent him around 6pm and I never heard back. But I meant what I said, I am strong and I'm not going to give up yet. I talked to Dad about it a little and said to just give him some space and maybe yall can be friends and work things out. I mean if he is The One, then he'll still be The One later down the road. I know that's true, but it's still hard. I'm not a patient person by any means, but I knew I shouldn't have rushed into things like I've done in the past. But we learn from our mistakes, so as I say I must be learning alot. lol I sure feel that way sometimes, but anyways. I want you to all to know that I don't regret what happened not even in the least little bit and I'm not going to regret it either. As much as I should hate him or dis like him I can't make myself, because that's not the kind of person I am. I really thought he was my 'Prince Charming" and I know that sounds crazy but I did think he was. Even if he's not The One, he was still the most amazing guy I have ever been with. Yes, even after what he's just put me through. I'll never forget him and maybe in time we can work things out... I just really don't understand how things can go from so good to so stinking bad in such a short time. I can do this though and it's not the end of the world, I know that. I'll keep you all updated on my crazy hectic life later.