Ah!

Hello! So, I figured I'd update you on the past few days.... Since Monday at least. Not to much has happened though. I've stayed at my parents house every night this week. I know I'm crazy, but oh well. lol I've had a hard week so far, every day has felt like a Monday all over again. Specially yesterday it was just awful! It started to get better later that afternoon because I got to see Daniel (him and Mark work for dad some). He's always really positive and makes me feel alot better. :) Then things got worse again because Leonard was being an a** in texting. He just kept saying 'whatever' and all kinds of junk, so that didn't help at all. I let it go though because I just don't need that kinda drama in my life at all. You know? Well after work (this is still yesterday) I went home, to my parents house, and ate some dinner. Then I met Bradley at the cheap movie theater. I just needed to relax and have some down time after the day I had had and Bradley and I wanted to meet for the first time, so we did. It wasn't the first impression I wanted him to have of me, still in work clothes, and all stressed out, but it's okay. lol He was really nice! :) He even paid for my movie, which shocked me big time. I was like well thank you, you didn't have to do that, and he goes yeah it really broke my bank. haha He's funny too, which is always good. To put it in a nut shell, he seemed really great and I still want to consider him for a roommate. Nothing is out of the question right now at all. Anyways, we talked for a little bit after the movie (we saw The Heartbreak Kid) and he went and saw my house w/ me too. Then I went back to my parents house for the night again. I got to talk to Bradley again online for a little bit and then I was tired so we both got off and went to bed. That was the extent of my yesterday and pretty much the past few days. lol
So, today.... well it started off alot better than the rest of the week, thank God. Work was pretty slow as usual so I tried to find some stuff to do and be productive. hehe Dad did ask me to ride with him this morning and help do some stops, so I did. That made the day go by a little faster at least. But also I kinda got the lectures.... HE said he was up this morning at 4am praying for me and decided to read my whole myspace. That I wasn't to fond of to be honest because their's alot on it and it's kinda personal. I do know it is on the internet and everyONE can see it, but to my family it's like I wanted them to be left out of it just cause it's my LIFE. You know? Anyways, I want even go into what all he said it'd just be pointless to even talk about honestly. I know he cares though, I mean he's my dad of course, and i love him with all my heart but still. I am 18 and I am making and have made my own choices and what I do with my life is up to me. But anyways enough about that! I had leftover pizza for lunch that we had cooked on the Big Green Egg yesterday and it was great. Yumm!
After work I went by my parents house, for dinner of course, and to get some of my things because I decided I'd spend the night at my house tonight. Finally, I know. lol It's just that I don't like being at home alone it makes me feel weird and I hear everything which I hate. I'll get used to it eventually though, I hope or either I'll get a roommate. But I left my parents house all upset because when I got home mom started lecturing me about everything. It was mainly the same things dad had lectured me about in the car earlier today. So I went home all in tears.... I called Eric (which by the way he had called me like an hr before that for a min.) and asked if he was getting out anywhere tonight and he wasn't. He had worked 21 hours today so he was defiantly tired. I just hate being at home by myself and specially when I'm upset it makes everything a whole lot worse. Well anyways to make a long story short I stayed their by myself and went to bed a little after 9pm. I just felt awful and I needed some sleep to try to relax. That was pretty much it though...

Jumbled

Hey everyone! I know I'm behind once again in updating and I apologize for that. I've just been busy as always and had alot going on. I did have a great Thanksgiving though. Hope you all did too. :) To fill you all in on my 'love life' of whatever you want to call it.... I talked to Leonard Wednesday (21st) night on IM. It went alright I guess, to be honest I'm not sure what alright really is anymore. Basically he acts like he hates me and doesnt want to have anything to do with me. So the last thing I told him was I was sorry for pouring out my feelings towards him but I didn't know what else to do. It's hard for me to let go of someone or someone that I dont understand what when wrong or why. You know? SO I told him I was completely done and I was going to leave him alone for good now. If he wanted me in his life he knows how to get in touch with me. It just seems like so much for staying friends like he said, but thats life. Maybe in time it'll all work out if it's meant to be. I'm not going to worry about it though because I've done all I can do. That's enough about him now!

Kimberly spent the night with me on Thanksgiving and we had alot of fun. We went shopping late that afternoon and then we went back out at midnight or Friday morning and went to the mall. Yes with all the other crazy people. haha The day after Thanksgiving sales are pretty good but theirs just way to many people out. Plus since this year the mall opened at midnight that was different. We stayed out till about 2am in the morning and then went back to my house and went to bed. I was freaking tired! Oh and my sister spent the night with us too. Anyways we got back up around 7am ish and went shopping a little more. I decorated my house all afternoon Friday and it looked great. I put up my Christmas tree and everything. Then Mom gave me a little house warming party with some family and close friends that night. I got some pretty neat stuff too. :) lol It was fun!

So I didnt hear from Eric at all till yesterday (the25th), since Thanksgiving day. I was really worried because it wasnt like him. Plus it felt weird not talking to him or seeing him occasionally. But he replied to a myspace message I had sent him asking what was up and why he hadn't called me or returned my calls the past several days. He said he left his phone charger at a friends house and wouldn't get it back till last night (Sunday the 25th). I somewhat find that quite hard to believe, because I know I couldn't go that long without my cell phone. Come on! lol Anyways he messaged me really late last night saying he got it back and that he'd call me later on tomorrow, well today now. So hopefully he does because I really really miss him alot. I know we're just friends but still. I spent the night at my parents last night too. I just didnt want to be home by myself really. It has been so nasty and raining today. I hate those kinda days because it just makes you wanna stay in bed all day, wrapped up in a blanket, watching TV and eating of course. haha I could have stayed in bed all day too. Ugh! To bad I have to work for a living though I guess. Anyways, work definantly felt like a Monday big time today. It went by so slow and it was freezing all day. I got off work a little bit early today because I still wasn't feeling to good, and I went to my parents house. I layed in bed and slept for about an hour an a half about I think, and then got up and ate some dinner. Hot dogs, gotta love those. lol I had to go over to my house and grab a few things though because I decided to stay at my parents house again for the night. I know what your thinking... I have my own house yet God only knows why I don't stay their. Oh well! Maybe I miss being with my parents and all. Honestly I kinda do and I never thought I'd say that. Also tonight I started talking to this guy, his name is Bradley by the way. He'es Jasons cousin, oh Jason is a guy who's Dad used to work for my dad a long time ago. So to say the least we talked for a really long time about just everything really. It was great and I enjoyed our conversation alot. Alrite, Sorry for jumping around alot on you in this post but that's because I haven't updated in a while and all my thoughts were just jumbled together. I wont let it get that bad next time, promise.

Holiday

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! =] I hope everyone has a wonderful day, dont eat to much. haha I know I will, that's for sure. I cant wait either. I'm fixing to head over to my grandparents now actually. I'll update you all later.... Have a blessed day.

Yesterday

Hello! So to start off I got up yesterday morning, got ready for work and went in about 8:30am. That's usually the time I try to get there by, need those hours that's for sure. lol I ate left over Fujis for breakfast too. It was alright but then I felt kinda sick afterwards. I couldn't let it go to waste though, and on Wednesdays we cookout at work for lunch. Yummmm! It was good too, but now that much happened yesterday. Just one of those semi boring work days I guess. So, after work I went by my grandparents to drop the turkey off that we had cooked for them on the Big Green Egg, and then I went to my parents house. I had to make pumpkin pies for tomorrow, and also wash some clothes. Loads of fun, not! lol Also Victoria came over later on and spent the night with me. We just hung out really, watched tv, talked, and ate ice cream. :) That was my yesterday, as you can tell quite boring.

Even After All, I Still Care

In continuation of yesterday... It felt like a long day too, but I was glad when 5pm rolled around. I went to my parents house after work which is what I normally do. We had dinner and then I went over to my grandparents house with my little brother. He was staying at Mema's house because it was Mom and Dads 24th Anniversary. Yeah, they've been married a looooonnnng time! :) I stayed their for a litttle while and played with JJ and Mema and we watched part of a movie too. Anyways, I left their and had to go by my work because I had left my laptop. ugh! Finally, I went home and took a shower, and just relaxed for a while. Also Eric came over and he stayed with me again. :) That always makes me happy! Oh my goshhh, I defiantly have a story to tell you all. It's crazy too! As you know I had already taken a shower before Eric got their and then he took a shower, so he was walking around my house in a shirt and his boxers. I have no idea why. lol Anyways, I was walking downstairs from the kitchen and Eric was going outside to get a movie out of his car... Well he opens the door wide and shuts it real fast, turns around and look at me and says "ah, there's a guy here". I thought he was just kidding because who the heck could it be. Well I had forgot I had been texting Leonard a little on and off today and asked him if he wanted to meet up later. He said if he could it'd be late cause he had to work, well go figure he showed up at my house when Eric had to be there. I was so freakin' shocked, and frankly I bet he was to come to my door w/ a guy standing their with barely nothing on. I hate that it happened like that, really I do. I know it looked terribly awful on my part, but I swear Eric and I are just friend and nothing was going on. Well I went outside and talked to Leonard for about a half hour or little more, of course I did most of the talking. He wouldn't even look at me, and that broke my heart. :'( I asked him once again what changed his mind, and finally I got something out of him. He said that he regretted what we did and he didnt even want to be in his own skin. That made me feel even more worse to be honest. Especially when he said not only can he not look at me, but he cant look at his parents or anyone for that matter. But I told him I knew how he felt... When I was TJ that weekend in Lancaster and some things happened for the first time w/ me it took me a good while before I was able to get over it or look at my parents without feeling like a really bad person. So I do know how he feels, it just takes time to let things run their course, but it will get easier I told him. If I could go back and change what we did, not that it was even that bad, I would in a second. I just don't want to see him like this if he's really telling me the truth about why he changed his mind. Plus if we hadn't of done what we did then we probably wouldn't even be having this conversation and everything might be okay. Oh well, thats life though, you have to learn from you mistakes and more forward. I just hope he'll still talk to me after seeing Eric at my house and all. If he doesn't that's his problem I guess, but I cant blame him either. Even though Eric and I are just friends for real. but what he saw made it look like it was a whole lot more. He still means the absolute world to me even though everything doesn't make complete sense to me. He'll always be the most amazing guy I have ever been with too. I'll never change how I feel about it, and he'll always be special to me. In time we'll see how things work out, and hopefully all this is for the best. But anyways, that was the extent of my day yesterday... Interesting I know. I'll keep you updated though.

Now, lets talk about today. :) We woke up this morning and Eric had to leave about 6:20am ish for work and I was like leave me alone I wanna sleep. lol So he kissed me and I went back to sleep till my alarm went off at 7:45am. Got up, sure didn't want to though... I got ready for work real quick and then that was about it, well I did leave. lol It was another slow, boring, long day though for the most part. At least till 5pm got here. By the way, Leonard was being such a major a** today. I know that's pretty harsh but it's the truth. I had texted him this morning and was like I'm sorry you had to see Eric like that and all at my house last night, but I swear we weren't doing anything. I mean first off I dont even have to prove anything to him or make my point because frankly it doesnt matter what he thinks.We'll he never responded to my text so I asked him this afternoon in another text if he had gotten it and all he says is yeah. I don't know why, but he was just being really short with me, so I said "Well sorry to bother you" and "hope you have fun tonight with her". I honestly didnt mean it sadistically or anything, but apparently he took it that way, and he replys with something like "oh I will you can bet on it". I was like okay then.... and he goes "whatever bye, I g2g". It kinda made me upset so I told him that I don't deserve to be treated that way because I didn't do anything to him and never did for that matter. He's the one who stopped talking to me and started acting like a d***. All I've done is try to talk to him about a million things and pour out my feelings for him, trying to get it through his head that I DO care. But apparently he doesnt understand or he's just a typical guy like all the rest that I have ever ended up falling for. Oh well, I'm making my mind up now that I don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone and I know that for a fact. I'm just so sick and tired of stupid guys who think they can play around with a girls feelings and her heart and then it be all fun an games. I hate to break it to them it's defiantly not fun at all by any means and they need to grow up and be men. It's not that I hate Leonard, not even a little bit at all, I just dont get what went wrong and now why he has to treat me this way. I mean he finally said he still wanted to be friends and if this is how he's going to act then honestly I dont want any part in it. That breaks my heart but it's just the flat out truth. I do still care about him and I always will but I cant live my life waiting around on him. I do want to be with him but I'm not sure that we could ever be what we were again. It's just I've never felt the way I feel about him for any other guy. Even after all that has happened I still truly care for him and there isn't anything that could ever change that. I can't even begin to describe how I feel towards him, it's just amazing. I guess if it's meant to be and he's The One then in time we'll see. I'll do my best to be patient but I'm still not very good at that. I'm just beginning to wonder if there are even any more good, real men out there... Besides that, after work I went home for a little bit and Victoria came over because were going to the Yellow Mall to look around for a little while. It was alright, but honestly we didn't find anything good. Oh well that's how it goes sometimes... We were suppose to be making pizza tonight (like we've been planing for a week now) but we decided to get Fuji's instead. It was really really good too! :) Tonight was the first meal I have actually ate at my new house. Funny ain't it? But that's because I've been at my parents house every night since I moved in, till tonight that is. Then later on we made a sorta late night trip to walmart to get some Dr. Pepper. lol We had a major craving for some odd reason. Anyways, that's pretty much my day. Goodnight!

Past Few Days

Hi! I figured it was time to update again. lol To speed everyone up fairly quickly, Saturday (the 17th), my family and I all went shopping to Commerce GA. It was alot of fun and we found some deals too. :) Sunday, or yesterday, I got up, went to church, and then went and ate lunch at my parents house. It was soooo good! I love macaroni and cheese. lol My sister and I took some pictures of each other in the back yard, because we needed some new ones for our myspace of course. I watched football after lunch for a little while. Yeah, I said football. lol Ever since I spent that Sunday w/ Leonard and his family I've been hooked on watching it. I used to hate football too, but now I actually enjoy it. Maybe it's because the fact it reminds me of Leonard, which is probaly the reason, but I still enjoy it. I dont completely get it but that's okay. So, that afternoon I did some stuff around my house and then Victoria and I hung out for a while. We went to that knew Academy sports place and checked out the guys. haha Just kidding! Then we went to Big Lots and I did some Christmas shopping. Oh guess who I got to talk to for a while.... Aaron. We havent talked in forever, but when we do we always have something to talk about. It's great because he understands me and it's never a silent second when we're on the phone together. :) He's coming to see me eithert his weekend or the next. I cant wait!! Well, I had dinner at my parents house again, because Dad had me pick up a pizza for us all since Mom was gone to homegroup. We also watched Pirates of the Caribbean because JJ (my little brother) wanted to watch the pirate sword fighting. lol Alright so here's what made my night and completely shocked me. I had sent Leonard a myspace message around lunch time yesterday. I never expected to get a reply back honestly, plus since he's not talking to me, but I actually did later on that night. I was really, really surprised! Don't take me wrong though, I was glad he did. But the reason I sent him the message was I was trying to help myself, in an attempt to try and let him go, as well as explain some things to him that needed to be said. Like I said before it's just so hard for me to let someone go when I don't understand what happened. And especially someone who means soooo much to me, and to be truthful I don't want to let him go but I dont know what to do. I can't just wait around hoping he'll come to his senses one day and fall for me again, but then again I'm not the kinda girl who gives up without a fight either. Anyways, in his message he was apologizing for the text he had sent from Joshs' phone a while back and messing with me like that. It still hurts me though to be honest, and I still don't understand what went wrong between us, but he said he didn't want to talk about what changed his mind. For all I know it could have been another girl or something. I mean I'm not going to be his re bound or whatever. If it was another girl, I'm not someone to play around with or do something just when you cant get anything else. I've already been used like that before and it really hurts. So ever again will I settle for anything less than what I deserve! Ah, I just really want to know what happened, but he wont talk about it. So anyways.... He did say he wanted to be friends but it took him a while to get over it. I do want to be friends with him though, I just dont know if he's going to be able to handle that. I mean I'll try my best because he does mean everything to me, even after all that's happened. By the way, I have no idea what he was getting 'over' because he's the one who stopped talking to me, for whatever reason he had. That's just stupid in a way if you ask me. What was there to get over when he's the one who did this to me, seriously? Guys, you cant live with the, and you sure can't live without them. lol But I'm done with them for good now, till I meet Mr Right and I'm sure as heck done trying to figure them out because it's pointless. Then a few mins after I had replied to his message he called me. I was shocked once again. We talked for about half an hour or so, well I'm the one who did like all the talking pretty much. I don't know why he want talk, but actually he's never been that talkative around me for some reason. I don't know if thats good or bad really. I am very glad I got to talk to him, I still don't know what to think, but in time everything will be okay. That was the extent of my past few days...

Lets see, now that I've got you all semi up to date, it's Monday obviously and it sure feels like it. Ugh! I cant wait till Wednesday is over because Thursday is Thanksgiving!!! =] Fooooodddd! lol I went to work this morning, as I usually do during the week.

Not Alone

Good morning! Well it is for me at least.... lol So yesterdays excitement at work was the little mouse eating our chips. lol After work I went to my parents house for dinner and to finish washing my clothes. Then I went home and it was really really cold, and majorly windy too last night. It was round about 7 ish or so, I was sitting in the kitchen on my laptop, when i hear this really loud noise outside the window. Oh my goshhhh, I freaked out! I called my dad first and he said it was probably just the wend, but I don't know what it was. It scared the living sh** out of me. lol I called Victoria and told her and she wouldn't come over and stay with me, so then I called Eric and he was like just stay in the house and I'll be over there in a little bit. He was going to eat... or something and it was like an hour and half before he finally got to my house. I seriously was freaking out though till he got there at least and that was at like 10pm. I didn't expect him to stay with me because he said he couldn't when he had work during the week, but he decided to since he knew I was scared. I know, how sweet of him! :) I didnt have to stay alone, in my own house. lol I slept alot better with him their too, so thank goodness he stayed with me. What sucks was he had to get up by like 5:30am and leave around 6am to get to work. So after he left I went back to sleep till 8:30am. Yes, I over slept about 45mins, but oh well... I was really tired still for some reason. I left for work and got there around 9am, and that's all I did till about 5pm when we closed. Oh, at lucnh time I did have to go home and meet the plumber guys to fix my lines that are clogged. It sucks because when ever I take a shower or use a good bit of water the downstairs tolliet overflows. It definatly needed to be fixed, because I've had enough of the water being all in the dad gum floor and having to clean it up everytime. Ugh! Anyways, of course I did the usual after work and went by my parents house for dinner. I've been there everyday since I moved out. lol They just thought they were getting rid of me when I moved out. not! haha